Renew me O' Lord

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

The last few months have been a whirlwind of events for me. Lots of things going on, some good, some bad, others just kind of annoying. During this time I have been feeling really down on myself. I am not sure why but do have some belief that I know. I know I am not perfect and mess up, but sometimes I am just too lazy to apply myself the way I should. I, like everyone else, tend to find other things to do rather than studying scriptures and reading my Bible. I have a family, a ministry, a job and kids to help me stay occupied but even those are not very good excuses of why I shouldn't be in the word as much.

As a youth pastor I have to read up for my lessons. Figure out the scripture and go from there. Helping to apply it to the lives of my students. But usually that is a very small piece of scripture and I don't use it as a time for me to learn but to learn how to tell my students. I am in the process of working out of this.

I am also very frustrated with my youth group. As much as I try to direct my students, very few of them seem to listen. I have tried all kinds of tactics to get them to understand, but many of them seem to want to socialize rather than learn about God. We have issues with talking and disruptions during the singing and lessons. I hear of the actions of some of them outside of the youth group and my so-called leaders doing things they know and have sworn they wouldn't do. The boyfriend/girlfriend craze is really moving and hurting our group. Guys like the girls and vice versa. We have students who don't feel their life is complete without having someone to call boyfriend or girlfriend.

I was a teenager and did the same thing, so I can understand. But I also remember the heart ache and problems that this caused in my life. Liking someone only to find out they don't like you. To see people who you like, go from person to person only to be hurt each time. I look at the girls in my group and see the hurt they have from families and not truly having father figures to look up to. Some of them wanting soo much to have a boyfriend because "dad" wasn't/isn't around to help them through their life, so they are looking for love in all the wrong places. I look at some of the guys and see them liking girls and going back forth, only to know that it isn't because they truly like that girl, but more because that girl will look good on their arm and impress their friends.

Another issue seems to be the competition we have among the students.. The fighting and backbiting that goes on because we want to make ourselves feel better or put us above everyone else because we are worried about what people might think or being labeled a failure. I have some great kids and most of them can be almost anything they want to be, but right now they seem so self involved that they can't see beyond themselves. My heart hurts for them, for their parents, for myself because I am not sure how to handle the situation or "force" someone to see that they need to change.

So right now I am resting in God's grace that He is in charge. Too many times I lean on my own strengths and "so called" greatness. I also become selfish and believe that I can do anything on my own, only to be knocked down like I feel right now. I am in the process of really evaluating what we do as a youth group, what I do as a person and seeing what needs to be changed.

Pray for me.